Tag: authenticity

Writing From Your Heart

This painting is one of many I did of the Franklin Mountains in El Paso. The mountains delineated west from east in the city. I lived on the west side.

I don’t live there anymore, but I do live at the foot of another mountain, the Sandia’s in Albuquerque, New Mexico. There’s always been a strong pull for me to have the reminder of the strength of a terrain that isn’t upended by weather or disasters.

Many people admire me for my resilience to life’s challenges and tests. I believe it’s the constancy of the unmoving and unshakable mound upon mound of earth at the base of the city that I find my trust in life’s unpredictable circumstances. The area is built up from the weight of a past. Mountains are formed “from Earth’s tectonic plates smashing together. Below the ground, Earth’s crust is made up of multiple tectonic plates. They’ve been moving around since the beginning of time. … The result of these tectonic plates crumpling is huge slabs of rock being pushed up into the air.”

This has been going on forever, so, for me, the mountain is the closest thing of something to count on in times such as the time we are living in. Nothing is as it has been. Our lives are dependent on circumstances out of our control. But the mountain being constant, firm and still, is the backdrop I use to let go.

When I let go, I feel my heart. I can’t feel my heart if there is any fear. The heart is the center of all that the mountain is. Our hearts are constant and still. We enter them by focusing on love, the absence of fear.

If I want to accomplish anything creative, this is what supports me to give up control and accept and acknowledge what comes into an empty mind.

You don’t have to live by a mountain to access the sense of solidity. You just have to let go of the fear of its absence.

What is Being Authentic?

So, now that I’m being authentic, I’m going to discuss what authenticity is. According to Dictionary.com, it means:

adjective

  • not false or copied; genuine; real:
  • having an origin supported by unquestionable evidence; authenticated; verified:
  • representing one’s true nature or beliefs; true to oneself or to the person identified:
  • entitled to acceptance or belief because of agreement with known facts or experience; reliable; trustworthy:

In other words, not like Trump. (Couldn’t help myself)

What’s it like being authentic? First of all I can’t get away with pretending anymore. I’m amazed how often I’m tempted to answer a question with a contrived, made-up response to impress. Where does that come from?

Yesterday, someone asked me about a painting he had commissioned and which he had already paid me for. He wanted to know how the painting had helped me. I told him I’d received many compliments–which was the truth–and that I’d sold several other commissions because of the painting I’d done for him–which was a half-truth. I’d sold other commissions but none because of the painting I did for him.

The lie made me felt uneasy. A little while later, I realized why. Having to lie hadn’t come from who I am being now. It came from the me who had been not good enough, who thought she had to sell herself.

So, now I know one of the gifts of being authentic. It’s all about accepting myself as I am. I don’t have to create a me to cover up any flaw of who I am.

Another way I’ve caught myself not being authentic is when I don’t feel all right with being spontaneous. I can’t help but be authentic when I allow myself to be sponaneous.

This happened several days ago. My daughter pointed out that I often get angry when she tells me how she listens to her ego undermining her. I realized the anger I felt was coming from all the times I’d done the same thing. I had a hard time getting over listening to my ego? Why was I expecting her to not pay attention to what she knows is hurting her when I did that same thing to myself so many times before?

The answer to that is simple. I’m not used to coming back with an honest response when people, anyone, catches me being less than empathetic. In the case with my daughter, I thanked her for pointing that out to me. I told her I’d try to catch myself if it ever comes up again.

So, I’m still in the early stages of getting over being hard on myself. But already I feel a relief and a cleansing going on each time I recognize the truth and share that with others. Try it! You may just may like it.