The Burning Bush, the painting above, is a watercolor painting I did some time ago. I chose it to share today along with the first two paragraphs from the book I’m writing, Tell Me What Love Is, because this painting is the closest to what I felt when I finally admitted to myself that the unhappiness I was feeling was really a yearning to recover the sense of self I lost while married to a man I became unable to stand up to because of fear.
My memoir is about how I finally take the steps to recover what I lost, the strength and courage to “face the dragon”, and along the way, to use all the challenges and tests which come my way after that to look within. It’s a story of how I finally am able to know that the only enemy, the only obstacle to my happiness is coming from myself.
For anyone wanting to delve into your minds, to see more about how we sabotage and hurt ourselves with our thoughts, beliefs and judgements, this book will shed the light on all that obstructs us from what we all want, love, joy, happiness, peace and gratitude.
So, here’s a quote from the first chapter of my book:
I’m feeling like a freight train out of control, like I’m heading down this steep hill loaded with all that excess baggage I’ve been carrying for at least five years, and then at blue streak speed, being forced to a halting stop. A painful stop. Bawling uncontrollably, sitting on top of the suitcases I just packed to leave him, the rage that left me headstrong and so sure of myself suddenly reverses directions, and now I’m feeling insecure, humiliated, and full of shame. I’ve become defeated.
What is wrong with me?, I wonder. Why can’t I stand up to someone who undermines my every desire? Where is the courage I always took for granted? How have I become this—a weak casualty of a domineering husband?