I posted this picture of a painting I did long ago because it was a beginning of a new idea for a series of paintings on the Hebraic name of God. I did several more, but quickly lost interest in the theme. For those of you not familiar with the Hebrew letters, they’re the markings above the container at the bottom and the leaves above. The configuration of the leaves was an inspiration from a picture of an archangel I’d seen in a book. The middle hike of the leaves was the angel’s head. The other two rises of leaves on either side were the wings.
Since I’m in the beginning stage of writing a book, I gravitated to something that reminded of one of my many new beginnings. I think I could have gone further with this theme in my painting. Maybe I wasn’t ready, but, looking back on it now, I think I could now.
Why did I not feel ready then? Like so many attempts I started in order risk and branch out, I’d complete something I loved. Then doubt set in. Maybe this painting was a fluke. Maybe I’ll never be able to achieve something equally beautiful like this again.
Well, writing what I did this week on my book was an entirely different experience. Instead of allowing myself to second guess the future, this time I knew that the only time that is real is in this moment. And, if in this last moment I wrote something that I knew was good, I would find a way to do that again.
I’ve learned, the hard way, repeating the same mistakes over and over again, and getting the same results again and again, that I’d have to find a new way to approach creating. Through trial and error, one realization after another, digging deeper and deeper inside of my mind, I finally saw the blocks preventing me from believing I could and would continue creating paintings I could be proud of. In the end, it was a simple shift from Fear to Love.
I’d read somewhere that fear is natural. It’s there to protect us. We’ll always be subject to it. It isn’t going away. But, and this is the important But I got, when we’re in the state of Love, there’s no Fear.
Whenever I paint now, I do whatever it takes to feel the energy of Love. I’ve learned to tap into it. When in that state, the painting is easy and effortless. I hear my intuitive guidance and follow it, and the results sometimes blow me away! At the very least, I like what happened.
I finished my first chapter of “Tell Me What Love Is”, and I liked the first draft. It didn’t excite me, but, instead of berating myself for not having written the best I could’ve, I chose to find a way to express what my heart would guide me to write. I rewrote it yesterday after I received an idea that would catapult what I’d written to new heights. Well, I did it! I knew it was right on when I got goosebumps re-reading it.
I am so sure now that what I’m doing now is exactly what I need to do in order to achieve all I want. It’s not a formula. It’s a step by step process I follow blindly, not knowing where it will take me. But, when I have experiences like I had yesterday, I’m convinced that I’m growing and expanding my energy! Love the experience!
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