Confronted with the task of naming this latest entry to my blog, I went with what came up right away. Finding Me is so appropriate for what I’m going through now! I’ve been experimenting with subjects, mediums, colors, and techniques to feel my way into finding what excites me, what makes me want to paint right away when I wake up, what gives me love back as I paint. To Find Me, to know what comes from a deeper part of me, I’ve been going back to sketches I made during a time when I regularly drew from live models.
I have 7 sketchbooks full of drawings made over this past decade. Some of the beginning ones, not drawn with the expertise I gained from executing so many others, still have a charm coming from a strong feeling of the model. The painting above was done from one of these earlier sketches.
“The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inner significance.”
When I came up with the title I was reminded of the movie, Finding Joe. Based on Joseph Campbell’s work, “The Hero’s Journey”, it’s the journey one takes to find themselves. I’ve been taking such a journey. It has entailed fighting my own demons until, like in the movie, I lay down my sword to see there are none. The demon I thought was out there, keeping me full of fear and trepidation, lies in my own thoughts, beliefs and judgments. My belief in those voices in my head have kept me from realizing my Truth. “What will people think of me if I dare to paint that?” “You can’t pull that off.” Those never-ending fears, coming up again and again, made what I love to do hard to do.
More and more, though, I am finding that Truth through my creating art has been pivotal to uncover the many beliefs and judgments that have kept me from being authentic to myself with my art.
“Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth.”
The truth I discovered about myself as I painted the picture above is that I felt more myself painting the inner significance of the model rather than trying to replicate the outer appearance. I loved the feeling of becoming One with the figure. Maybe when I look so intently to the outer appearance, I lose that feeling that makes the figure human. Maybe when I look inside myself I can make the figure I’m drawing more human.